Now that the Oscars are SO over, maybe we can help

It might not surprise you that this old handyman was never much into Hollywood nor the Oscars. But what IS surprising is that in the last week, maybe for the first time in my lifetime, I found myself at the forefront of a societal trend, as many of you joined me in my annual tradition of NOT watching the Oscars.

To be fair, I never believed Hollywood was ever all that interested in my tastes, either. For instance, the only movies that ever feature power tools are horror movies. And actors’ lives have never been about being good with their hands, but more about being good with their facial muscles to mimic emotions, and occasionally to cry on demand. Honestly, I do not believe I have EVER seen a handyman cry, nor would I ever hope to. And earning applause means nothing to me — I’d rather listen to a suddenly-perfect toilet flushing cycle than have our customers clap their hands together to signal their approval.

Nevertheless, the loss of yet another iconic American institution always feels like a loss, especially one that claims to celebrate excellence.

Well, Fix St Louis does stuff that’s important to people, and we work in an area where excellence is definitely a thing. So I hope you will indulge me if we try to make one small contribution to fill the void left in America by the decline of Hollywood and the Oscars.

Close your eyes and imagine we’re wearing tuxedos and gowns instead of our distinctive green logoed uniforms, we arrive in Fix St Louis graphic-wrapped cargo vans instead of limousines, and we divvy-out coveted golden bowl statues shaped like you-know-whats known as “Johnnies.” OK, maybe not. Guess Hollywood is a lot better at this than handymen — or at least they were until this week. But in any event, here are the winners for 2021:

Best Supporting Floor Surface

This year we salute vinyl plank flooring as the top floor surface. Vinyl technology has greatly advanced the appearance of plastic-based flooring, moving it from “you-gotta-be-kidding” to “I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-hardwood” level. It’s waterproof — perfect for kitchens and bathrooms — so you won’t have to repair or replace it every time there is a periodic unfortunate water event. And installation is relatively inexpensive, particularly relative to ceramic tile and hardwood — it just snaps together.

Top Performance by a Countertop

For bathroom vanity countertops, you can’t top a surface called “Onyx”, which is a brand name. Onyx is the new cultured marble. It looks great — harder and shinier. It won’t chip. It comes in lots of colors — well, not all the colors in a rainbow, but any that you would consider “sane” for a bathroom that did not belong to a Hollywood diva. And the Onyx folks do great stuff with integrating sinks as part of the same one-piece countertop, including all kinds of shapes and mimicking an under-mount white sink under a stone-colored countertop.

Yes, there are you purists out there who will always want granite with under-mount sinks, but for the rest us whose fate did not lead us to outrageously lucrative careers, or did not inherit a trust fund from someone who did something like invent Onyx, it’s a great alternative that has many advantages.

Incidentally, Onyx must have a good agent, who did not want the product to be typecast into the single role of countertop. So be sure to consider using Onyx on the other fixtures in your bathroom to match the countertop — including shower surrounds, shower bases, cosmetic tables, front panels for whirlpool tubs, and platforms for drop-in tubs. Fix St Louis can install all of these.

Best Fan of Home Repairs

This year’s award goes to the perpetually unnoticed, unused, and unheralded whole house fan. Thankfully, these awards give Fix St Louis the opportunity to ensure this nominee is not snubbed once again.

We’re talking about that big square metal thing on your hallway ceiling, covered by louvers. Now, turn it on. Hahaha! Just kidding. Pardon me for a little handyman humor there. Bet most of you haven’t used it in so long, if ever, that it WON’T turn on. Call Fix St Louis to fix or replace it if that’s the case.

But, let’s say it actually works. When you turn it on, the louvers open up to expose a big ugly fan if you look from below, and you will hear and feel a loud “whoosh.” Now open a screened window and feel that fresh, cool outside air streaming through your house and out through that fan as an alternative to stuffiness or turning on the air conditioning. In fact, it’s the perfect alternative to air conditioning on those summer nights when the outside air is usually 72 degrees or below. NOTE: As always, not recommended for those whose outside air happens to be in Sauget, IL.

Well, let’s leave it at that. We at Fix St Louis don’t want to make the same mistakes Hollywood made in killing-off the Oscars by having the show go on for too long, or having award winners lecture or berate the audience on subjects that go beyond their knowledge base of how to manipulate facial muscles to mimic emotions.

So, why not give Fix St Louis an opportunity to use our celebrated expertise on your glamorous estate, whether it is in Ballwin or Bel Air. Come to think of it, Bel Air is outside our service area. Their loss.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis
314-434-4100

About Us

Fix St Louis  is the professional alternative to hiring “Chuck in a Truck” or “Pete in a Pick-up”. Our technicians have at least 10 years of experience, are bonded, insured, and show up at firm, scheduled times. We provide full customer service and guarantee our work for a year!

Fix St Louis issues DOUBLE and TRIPLE mask guidelines for home repairs

Not that I’m looking for sympathy, but COVID mask-wearing has really taken a toll on this old handyman. They fog up my glasses and block my peripheral vision, as homeowners point to all the strange places I need to poke my head into. A crash helmet would have been a better fashion accessory than a mask when my head met that protruding humidifier on a heating duct, that unexpectedly low header at the bottom of the basement stairs, or that low-hanging metal awning above ice-covered steps while I was looking down.

So, I was really anxious to get my 2 COVID shots, thinking I’d then be safe from both COVID and concussions. But the other day, while my head was poked in a toilet, I heard in the background an alarming Congressional hearing. They said that people who had taken 2 COVID shots now had to wear TWO masks, because based on no research whatsoever there might be a new, more dangerous strain of COVID on its way.

Startled by the news, I bumped my head again, this time on the rim of the toilet. Then I began to think — the CDC is doing its part, maybe Fix St Louis  should be doing more to protect OUR customers from the hazards of the home repair issues we wrestle with.

So as a public service, Fix St Louis  is issuing these new guidelines, that includes a new rating system for protecting homeowners from the most disgusting and, I dunno, maybe dangerous issues we encounter regularly in homes.

Caulk and Grout

This relatively low level hazard is generally found around bathtub ledges, around the perimeter of shower bases, but can also be found on the walls around tubs and showers. It’s caulk and grout that has turned brown, black, or is simply missing.

Given that Dr Steve’s medical training is somewhat minimal, I hesitate to outline the dangers, but I suspect you wouldn’t want to inhale it or eat it. What I CAN say for sure is that NOBODY wants to look at it, and that it usually means that water is getting into your walls and floors. So call Fix St Louis , take off your mask momentarily so our Customer Service Rep can hear what you are saying, and request a free estimate to fix it.

Kitchen Sink Cabinet

Dr Steve’s evolutionary biology training is also somewhat minimal, so you would need to check me on this. But I have a theory that most life forms on Earth today emerged from substances formed in the cabinets below kitchen sinks. All of the elements of life exist there — a warm, moist environment fed by dripping water from drain pipes, food particles that somehow evade the garbage disposal, and even boxes of powders and gels that might be appetizing to one species or another.

 Fix St Louis can stop the leaks, replace your garbage disposal, and otherwise seal out the water that has turned your cabinet into a swamp.

Toilet Wax Rings

Did you know that your toilet is sitting on a gooey wax ring that all your you-know-what passes through? And that it is the only thing that stands between your you-know-what and the rest of your house? And that if you ever see stains on the ceiling below you don’t need to wonder what it is, because you already know what?

So if you have problems with your toilet wax ring, and sooner or later everyone will, you ought to put on THREE masks after asking our Customer Service Rep for an estimate. Some like to take a FOURTH mask, tear it in half, wad it up, and stuff it up both of their nostrils, although like COVID this might be a particular problem for those with respiratory issues. In that case you might just want to place that fourth mask over your eyes.

Please understand that these mask recommendations only relate to home repair issues. For CDC mask guidelines, I’d suggest you check with them, perhaps as frequently as once per hour.

Meanwhile, we at  Fix St Louis  hope to bump into you soon, but not with our heads, and look forward to seeing your smiling faces again sometime in the near future!

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis
314-434-4100

Could there be only 6 shopping days left before Christmas?

If you needed another reason to believe this year was different, here it is.

In days of yore, Fix St Louis was able to provide an extended “FIXmas Season,” offering you a couple of pre-holiday months to catch up on your home repairs before Christmas guests arrived.

But we just looked at our schedule and realized – yikes! — we’re now booking jobs into mid-December! We feel for those whose jobs in other industries have been hurt by all these lockdowns. But for Fix St Louis, more people at home has meant more people seeing things they want fixed in their homes.

How many “shopping days” are left before we can’t perform your repairs before Christmas? Hard to say, but it’s sure gonna come a lot earlier this year.

So, if you are planning to have Christmas guests, and want to get these repairs done beforehand, pick-up a phone RIGHT NOW, give us a call to set-up a free estimate, and do your best to garble through your face mask something intelligible to our customer service rep. Here are some of the more popular small jobs folks ask for this time of year:

— Bathroom Sinks: malfunctioning pop-up drain stoppers, leaky faucets, dripping pipe beneath sink.
— Doors: doors that don’t close/latch properly, off-track closet doors, weatherstripping.
— Doorbells: doorbells that haven’t worked for years, or don’t have video.
— Ceiling stains: Ominous yellow stains on downstairs ceilings that may be caused by the toilet above (yuck!).
— Garbage disposals: you’ll need a properly working one for those guest meals.

And while you’re at it, why not invite us over for a free estimate on larger projects you’ve been putting off, to kick-off after the holidays? Great way to get next year off to a great start.

So get in touch with us right away, when we still have slots on our schedule. Just a few more days for us to guarantee that our Fix St Louis home repair elves can beat your Christmas guests to your front door.

Merry FIXmas and Many Happy Repairs from Fix St Louis!
Dr Steve
Fix St Louis
314-434-4100

Could there be only 6 shopping days left before Christmas?

If you needed another reason to believe this year was different, here it is.

In days of yore, Fix St Louis was able to provide an extended “FIXmas Season,” offering you a couple of pre-holiday months to catch up on your home repairs before Christmas guests arrived.

But we just looked at our schedule and realized – yikes! — we’re now booking jobs into mid-December! We feel for those whose jobs in other industries have been hurt by all these lockdowns. But for Fix St Louis, more people at home has meant more people seeing things they want fixed in their homes.

How many “shopping days” are left before we can’t perform your repairs before Christmas? Hard to say, but it’s sure gonna come a lot earlier this year.

So, if you are planning to have Christmas guests, and want to get these repairs done beforehand, pick-up a phone RIGHT NOW, give us a call to set-up a free estimate, and do your best to garble through your face mask something intelligible to our customer service rep. Here are some of the more popular small jobs folks ask for this time of year:

— Bathroom Sinks: malfunctioning pop-up drain stoppers, leaky faucets, dripping pipe beneath sink.
— Doors: doors that don’t close/latch properly, off-track closet doors, weatherstripping.
— Doorbells: doorbells that haven’t worked for years, or don’t have video.
— Ceiling stains: Ominous yellow stains on downstairs ceilings that may be caused by the toilet above (yuck!).
— Garbage disposals: you’ll need a properly working one for those guest meals.

And while you’re at it, why not invite us over for a free estimate on larger projects you’ve been putting off, to kick-off after the holidays? Great way to get next year off to a great start.

So get in touch with us right away, when we still have slots on our schedule. Just a few more days for us to guarantee that our Fix St Louis home repair elves can beat your Christmas guests to your front door.

Merry FIXmas and Many Happy Repairs from Fix St Louis!
Dr Steve
Fix St Louis
314-434-4100

How to Participate in the Missouri Caulk-Us

Many Missourians are frustrated this election season. Given that our March 15th Presidential caucus is still weeks away, we simply won’t have as much impact on the outcome as our Iowa neighbors to the
north.caulk

We at Fix St Louis feel your pain and have decided to do something about it. We have a plan that, in the meantime, will give you something meaningful to do, something more interesting to stare at than TV debates, and something that will have an even greater impact on your life than the next President of the United States.

Gawk at your caulk

We proudly introduce the Missouri Caulk-Us. Here’s how it works: First, stop watching those candidates on TV, get up from your chair, and walk to your bathtub. Now, look at the bathtub ledge. You see that once-white, once-solid hardened goop running along the perimeter? Pretty disgusting, huh? Worse yet, maybe some do-it-yourselfer in your household tried to cover it up with even more goop but didn’t have a good sense of how much to put on, or where it should go.

Also, while you’re there, do you see tiles where the grout is missing, letting water into the wall, possibly rotting it and loosening the tiles?

Now walk to your kitchen countertop and look at the similar white goop between the wall and either your backsplash or countertop. Is it discolored? Maybe brown, gray or black? Is it separating from the wall or countertop? Mind the gap (a little London Tube lingo there).

Yes, you SHOULD be angry to be living in a house where even hardened white goop mocks your cleaning habits. You’re not going to take it anymore. And, among all their fake promises, can you believe that not a single candidate from either party is offering a federal program to replace your caulk for free? Some don’t even think you have a right to own a CAULK gun!

St. Louis Caulk Service

Gawk at your caulk, then give Fix St. Louis a call. Let’s make America grout again.