Scary, not Scary: Don’t try these home repairs at home

No, I’m not trying to fool myself. Your humble correspondent knows he’s just an aging handyman who’s reached the pinnacle of his career on the world stage. Yet even from my lowly perch, I feel a need to do SOMETHING to unite everybody in these troubling times when we can’t seem to agree on ANYTHING. It’s Halloween for gosh sakes, and we can’t even agree on what’s SCARY anymore. And the list is long and growing: the unvaccinated, global warming, open borders, men playing in women’s sports, even whether parents attending school board meetings are “terrorists.”

If CHARITY begins at home, maybe unity on what’s scary begins at home, too. And fortunately, that happens to be one of the disappointingly few areas in which I may qualify as an expert. So let’s see if I can build a consensus on what’s scary and what’s not scary in do-it-yourself home repairs.

Roofs: Scary

In all fairness to roofs, roofs themselves are not the problem — the problem is gravity and the way it pulls your body toward the ground below. Not that it helps that roofs have slopes. Nor does it help that many of you like vaulted ceilings, which might require the roof to have a slope steep enough to give a mountain goat pause. Sure, if you live in a one story ranch with a relatively flat roof, you might end up bruised rather than brutalized if you fall off. But in general, you want to leave roof work to the professionals, mountain goats, and others crazy enough to go up there.

Light Bulbs on Vaulted Ceilings: Scary

Q. How many home builders does it take to change a light bulb on a vaulted ceiling? A. None. They’re gone, that’s YOUR problem (Forgive me for indulging in a little handyman humor there). Yeah, I don’t know why they put can lights up there either, and what they expect you to do when a bulb burns out — other than call Fix St Louis, who actually, believe it or not, have the ladders (and occasionally SCAFFOLDING) needed to change those bulbs. But here’s an even better idea — have us replace those canned lights with bulb-less LED lights so that you never have to change a bulb up there again (maybe change the FIXTURE, sooner or later, but never a bulb). That’s OK, we don’t need the repeat light-bulb-changing business — we’re busy enough.

Attics: Scary (unless you’re a contortionist)

Regular readers know I sometimes equate the skills required for work in an attic to those of petite girls from a breakaway Soviet republic, competing on an Olympic gymnastic team. The ONLY places you can step on are those narrow 1-½” wide edges on those widely spaced joists. Otherwise, you are stepping on a flimsy ½” thick sheet of drywall that cannot support your weight, which is the flip side of a ceiling rising 8-9’ above the floor beneath it. If you crash down to THAT floor, that’s gonna leave a mark — on you and the house. Did I mention that the attic is dark, covered with insulation that hides the attic floor, is usually not tall enough for you to stand, and likely has a low lying roof with nails protruding downward pointed toward your head?

Sure, if you have an agile body and a lot of time to make sure you’re avoiding the dangers, you can do stuff like add insulation, replace damaged screens on your gable vents, add a junction box for a ceiling light or fan for the level below, add or replace an attic fan, or lay plywood over the joists so that you can walk like a hunched-over human being up there or use that space for storage. But if you do NOT have an agile body, have a busy life, and would rather not risk damaging your house as the price of learning new handyman skills, you might want to call the contortionists here at Fix St Louis.

Plumbing and Electrical: Scary & Not Scary

We at Fix St Louis don’t discourage folks from trying to do plumbing and electrical repairs themselves, as long as they do it safely. For instance, just as Alec Baldwin could have prevented tragedy by simply checking that his gun was not loaded, you can use an inexpensive electrical tester to make sure the wiring is not “hot,” and shut-off the water valve near the plumbing you are about to work on. And hey, if your home repairs don’t work out, you can always call Fix St Louis to make things right.

Now, if I had the misfortune of having a lawyer sitting next to me right now, I’m sure he’d be poking me, trying to stop me from giving advice on whether it’s worth the risk of bodily injury or property damage to do plumbing and electrical work yourself. I say, it’s your body, your house, and in my view your decision. But, think about it. Have you ever heard of anyone you know getting injured or worse by falling off a roof? Probably yes. How about getting seriously injured from do-it-yourself plumbing and electrical work? Probably not. How about serious damage to a house from plumbing or electrical work? Probably not, either. Just sayin’.

But I’ve gotta say, based on the stories you guys tell me every day in my travels around your subdivisions, it sounds like the scariest Halloween costume would be a kid dressed-up like the last handyman you hired. But of course, that costume would be silly, because it would mean that handyman actually showed-up when he was supposed to. Guess that leaves it to Fix St Louis to take the SCARE out of home repairs.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis

Support the Transitioning of your Rooms to their Preferred Identities

When you spend as much time as I do working hard and poking my head into things like toilets, crawl spaces, and other dark places, it’s good to look up every once in a while to notice the cultural trends I’ve been missing.

For instance, one evening a few weeks ago I put my tools down for a few minutes to watch the Olympics, and saw New Zealand athlete Laurel Hubbard get eliminated immediately for failing to make any of the first 3 lifts in the women’s weightlifting competition. Then I immediately learned that Laurel Hubbard was born a male, set weightlifting records in New Zealand competing as a male, decided that he “identified” as a female, began hormone therapy 9 years ago to “transition” to female, and was now competing in the Olympics against athletes born female.

Now, the sports announcer just rattled all that off as if that’s an everyday thing. But his words were packed with so many ideas that, frankly, were so foreign to your humble correspondent that he might as well have been speaking a foreign language. To give you an analogy drawing from MY world, it was as if we placed that sports announcer behind the counter at one of our plumbing parts suppliers, where he had to be fluent in listening to the guys in the room describe the plumbing part they needed, in sentences in which every other word was an expletive, enabling him to flawlessly walk into the warehouse behind him, which is the size of 2 football fields, and return with exactly the right part.

But even though I may never understand what that sports announcer said, I think I may understand the concept as it applies in the handyman world — especially in this pre/post/forever-and-ever COVID pandemic period. So, here goes.

Suddenly, have you noticed the names of the rooms in your house no longer line-up with the preferences of how your family wants to use them? Where is the remote CLASSROOM for your kids? Where is the OFFICE that is suitable for work? Why do you have all those electrical, phone, and PC WIRES running across rooms and aisles, from wall outlets to electronic equipment and chargers? And where’s the appropriate BACKDROP for Zoom calls to make the remote worker look like a professional rather than a squatter in a house that badly needs decorating, if not remodeling.

So while admittedly it may be a BIT of a stretch, you could say that, like weightlifter Laurel Hubbard, the “preferred identities” of your rooms have changed. OK, you got me — it’s more than a BIT of a stretch. But regardless, could it be time to “transition” these rooms to your preference, like in the examples below?

TRANSITION #1:
LIVING ROOM TO OFFICE

In many homes, when you enter the front door there is a Living Room to the left or right. How about filling-in that big opening between the front entrance and the living room with a French door with glass, extending the wall surfaces of the opening inward to meet that door. Now, put a desk in the middle of the room, facing the French glass doors, some new outlets on the floor beneath the desk, a few can lights on the ceiling, built-in bookcases behind the desk, and maybe even some crown molding at the top of the walls. Fix St Louis can perform this makeover for you.

TRANSITION #2:
BEDROOM TO OFFICE

The big needs for a remote worker sitting at a desk are electrical outlets, computer wall jacks, and lighting. Fix St Louis can add wall and overhead light fixtures, and also add outlets and jacks on the wall behind the desk, or even under the desk. Usually, we run these wires through walls from the attic down or from the basement up, but we can also run them across walls and ceilings by cutting into, then restoring the drywall.

TRANSITION #3:
DINING ROOM (OR KITCHEN) TO CLASSROOM

The difference between transitioning a dining room or kitchen to remote classroom space vs. converting a living room to office space (as described above) is that these rooms cannot be converted entirely for the single purpose of a classroom — you will still need a functioning dining room or kitchen. For these spaces, we can add electrical outlets and jacks on the floor beneath dining room tables or within base cabinets along walls or on islands. (The lighting in these rooms is generally sufficient to handle remote classroom needs).

TRANSITION #4:
BASEMENT TO OFFICE (TO GUEST BEDROOM)

If you have an unfinished basement, you can look at this pandemic as a great excuse to make a down payment on a finished basement. Pick out a corner of the basement for an office, your first project on the way to a finished basement. There are usually unfinished walls and ceiling, so it’s easy for Fix St Louis to wire-in lighting, phone jacks, PC jacks, cable TV, speakers, etc. Most homeowners would start with a drop ceiling with ceiling tiles and square or rectangular light fixtures that fit into the grid, but a drywall ceiling provides a more finished look. If eventually you’re thinking of turning this office space into a guest bedroom, consider incorporating a closet into the framing work needed for the walls, and having the new room encompass an existing window or glass patio door that can be used for egress during a fire, both required to refer to it as a “bedroom” in realtor listings.

Well, we at Fix St Louis are very busy, have to get back to work, and don’t really have the time to 2nd guess our identities as handymen. Someone recently told me that folks are now being asked to assert their “preferred pronoun” for how they would like to be addressed by others. In case you’re wondering, I’ve chosen “Dr” as my preferred pronoun, even though there’s a middle school teacher’s voice in my head telling me that it’s not a pronoun. But to tell you the truth, we at Fix St Louis don’t really care what you call us, as long as you DO call us, when you are ready for a transition.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis

What if handymen wore overalls scrawled with “Tax the Rich”?

Maybe you’ve seen pictures of U.S. Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (aka “AOC”) modeling an evening gown with “Tax the Rich” scrawled all over it. Now, I’d be real surprised to see someone wearing that when I’m at Home Depot picking up supplies. But I was MORE surprised by where AOC wore it — at a $30,000 per ticket fundraiser for the Metropolitan Opera.

As your humble correspondent, who spends half my waking hours poking my head into toilets, it’s difficult for me to understand how “the rich” think. But, do these rich, $30,000 per ticket attendees really believe that taxing themselves even more is a good idea? If they really LIKE paying taxes so much, shouldn’t they also be attending gala events to contribute $30,000 a ticket to the federal budget?

Maybe it would help us understand this better if, for a moment, we took a deep plunge downward from the lofty world of stretch limos to the base-level world of pickup trucks.

Let’s say your HANDYMAN was doing things that were not in your best interests. And he thinks of YOU as being rich, even though you’re not. And he feels so emboldened that he brags about what he’s doing to you, and even scrawls it all over his overalls. Here’s what his overalls might say:

“Upsell the Rich”

You need a window repaired, but your handyman really does not want to do a job that small. But instead of telling you that, he says, “you know all the windows in your house have been around for awhile, and soon all of them will have this problem.” Then he sells you on replacing ALL your windows. Now there’s something you never have to worry about with Fix St Louis. We actually PREFER small jobs to big jobs. And often, we’re the ONLY contractor that homeowners talk to who offer to REPAIR rather than REPLACE what’s broken.

“Inconvenience the Rich”

When you ask a contractor “when can you start?,” most likely they’ll give you an IDEA of when they can start, in weeks or months, but they won’t commit to specific work dates. “I’ll call you about a week beforehand,” they might say. Now, think about it. Who else in your personal or professional life, other than your immediate family, would you give away that much control of your calendar to? Who else would you allow to leave you in this unsettled state, forcing you to continue to think about it, and make sure it doesn’t fall through the cracks?

Contractors avoid commitments on starting dates for THEIR convenience, not yours. This is their way of reducing their down time to as little as possible, by stringing together the end of one job with the start of the next. Unlike pretty much everyone else, Fix St Louis will give you FIRM starting dates as soon as you agree to the job. Frankly, it makes our job tougher, as it puts us under a lot of pressure to accurately predict how long each job will take, and to place enough padding in our schedule for those jobs that take longer than we thought. But that’s OUR problem not yours — you’ll be able to place our work dates in your calendar, then move on to think about other things.

“Stall the Rich”

This is a more insidious version of “Inconvenience the Rich.” Instead of floating the starting date just to eliminate downtime between jobs, some handymen use this floating period to prioritize and rearrange their jobs, so that they work on bigger ones first, and the small job that you may have last, if ever. This can’t happen with Fix St Louis because we give you firm work dates upfront.

“Ditch the Rich”

This is the worst handyman practice of all, and sometimes morphs into criminal activity. This is “Stall the Rich” on steroids, where the endpoint is that the handyman may NEVER start, or never finish a job they started.

The most innocent, but still irritating, version is when a handyman really, really does not want your small job, but rather than tell you that directly, he chooses to avoid you and never get back to you.

On the other end of the spectrum are handymen who take money upfront, may even start the job, but never come back. Tell-tale signs include having to listen to tall tales, especially those intended to pull your heartstrings, like “I’m going to have to take a few days off next week to attend the out-of-town funeral of a Great Aunt who meant so much to me.” Needless to say, Fix St Louis would not have an A+ rating from the Better Business Bureau if we ever pulled stunts like these.

So, do you NOW understand how AOC can wear a “Tax the Rich” evening gown, and not have the $30,000 a ticket attendees throw her out the front door and land on her slogan? Me neither. But at least you’ve been warned that if your HANDYMAN shows-up wearing overalls that threaten the rich, it may be time to throw THEM out, and invite Fix St Louis in.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis

Go ahead, fight fire with fire. But fight water with plastic.

You might have guessed that, as a busy handyman, your humble correspondent doesn’t spend much time pondering the teachings of the great philosophers. But, I do grab wisdom wherever I can get it.

Like from that late 20th century philosopher, Madonna, who famously said “We are living in a material world, and I am a material girl.” Or the Mr McGuire character in the movie “The Graduate”, with his succinct career guidance to recent grad Dustin Hoffman. “I just want to say one word to you … Just one word … Are you listening? … Plastics … There is a great future in plastics.”

Frankly, I didn’t pick up on their wisdom right away, but eventually I had my Aha! moment. PLASTICS! That MUST have been the material in Madonna’s prophecy! This handyman’s really got to hand it to that girl who knows her materials.

Think about it. What’s the one thing that does the most damage to houses? It’s water. And what material frustrates water the most when it goes about its devious plan to damage your home. Yes, it’s plastic.

Haven’t you noticed all the things in your home that are now made of plastic? If all “plastic” means to you are those small Lego blocks that hurt like hell when you step on them, you’re not thinking big enough. Plastic comes in many disguises, and is now found all throughout your house. Here are some of the best places Fix St Louis can install plastics to keep water from damaging your stuff:

Deck Boards: Fix St Louis can replace all the wood on your deck with boards that look just like wood, but don’t rot and never need staining. These “composite” boards are usually made by combining a variety of materials, that are held together and sealed with a petroleum-based resin, i.e. “plastic.”

Doors, Windows, and Front Porch Columns: Have you ever seen rotted wood outside on the wood trim around an entry or garage door, on the base trim of a porch column, or on a window ledge? Fix St Louis can replace these with PVC or composite trim that will never rot. Or we can fill holes with a plastic-based, rot-resistant patching material if the damaged area is small.

Floors: There are several areas in your home that, sooner or later, are likely to have an unfortunate water event — particularly bathrooms, kitchens, and basements. Water can ruin a floor made of hardwood, laminate flooring, or carpeting. You might want Fix St Louis to replace these floors with “vinyl plank,” a floor made of plastic, but with today’s technologies can be made to look just like wood.

Shutters: Unless your home is on the historical register, there is no good reason to replace deteriorating wood shutters with new wood shutters. Since they’re covered with paint anyway, what difference does it make what they’re made of? Go with a material that won’t rot and that you may never need to paint again. Vinyl shutters are what most homeowners choose. But if you want something more sturdy and more resistant to fading, composite shutters are a good choice.

The “great future in plastics” has brought different benefits to different people. For Madonna, judging from what I have seen, it’s been mostly in the form of injections. For Mr McGuire, it’s been in the form of investments that provide a comfortable retirement.

But for you as a homeowner, while I’m no Mr McGuire who can offer his best advice in just ONE word, maybe I can do it if you’ll give me THREE words plus ONE abbreviation… Are you listening?… Call Fix St Louis.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis

Yes, we can fix the Olympics, too!

Everybody’s saying that viewership of the Olympics will be down this year, but no one has a simple explanation. Instead, you hear a strange list of seemingly unrelated factors that may be distracting, irritating, confusing, or killing us — like a pandemic, alternative sports channels, folks insisting that everything we ever knew about the difference between males and females was wrong, controversial political statements made with the use of knees, fists, and turned heads, and vaccinations. Geez, and I thought sports was supposed to be about having fun.

It makes this old handyman long for the good old days when the Olympics seemed only to be about whether athletes were the best in their sports, whether they should be allowed to qualify as amateurs even though their living expenses were being paid, or whether the Commies were pumping their female athletes with male hormones. Moreover, I suspect that if we could sit down today with my toga-wearing counterpart from the time of the Ancient Olympics, that crotchety old handyman would agree with me, and tell you it’s only gone downhill from when it started as a small group of buck naked Greeks running around a track.

For better or worse, we at Fix St Louis and that ancient handyman have something in common, and we can’t help ourselves — we can’t see something that’s broken without trying to fix it. And my diagnosis is that today’s Olympic sports are so far removed from the experiences of our day-to-day lives that we can’t easily be drawn into them, fully appreciate how difficult they are, or be thrilled by watching someone execute them perfectly. In my daily travels through subdivisions, although I might not object, I’ve yet to see a woman answer the door in a leotard, then perform cartwheels through her house showing me what needs to be fixed. For that matter, I’ve yet to see a man answer the door, then dash out and run away as fast as he can. Although based on stories I hear everyday, that might be a totally appropriate response if I had the face of the last contractor he hired.

But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that many of you can relate to the home improvement work that we at Fix St Louis do. I know this because you often call us after you tried, then learned that you could not perform the work yourselves, and now had a new-found appreciation for us.

So as your humble correspondent, let me suggest the following, highly-relatable home repair tasks as replacements for some of the current Olympic sports, in the hope you might get as much of a thrill from watching Team Fix St Louis perform these feats, as Canadians do watching a round chunk of granite slowly slide down a sheet of ice while someone with a broom rapidly sweeps the floor in front of it.

Eliminate Balance Beam Event, Add “Attic Crawl”

Adding insulation to an attic is a much more challenging task than what you see in the Olympic balance beam event — a petite 14-year old girl with a boyish figure, born in SovietBreakawayRepublicStan, balancing on the thin edge of a wooden board.

Your attic consists of a series of even-narrower balance beams called “joists” that you’ll need to navigate to add insulation. And, if your foot happens to miss one of them, believe me, you won’t land on a cushy pad, then automatically bounce back up with a big smile on your face, like a petite 14-year-old girl from a breakaway Soviet republic, triumphantly throw your arms into the air, and fake a nailed landing. No, you may crash through the drywall attached to the bottom of those joists, which unfortunately also happens to be the ceiling of the level below, then hit that lower level floor with a thud. Oh, did I mention that those joists are sometimes visually hidden by insulation, and there’s typically insufficient room to stand-up in the attic, lest your head hit the slanted underside of the roof, that typically has sharp ends of nails sticking out?

What daredevils would be crazy enough to perform the contortion work required to add insulation to your attic? Team Fix St Louis, that’s who. We can also perform other audience-worthy tasks for you up in the attic, including adding ceiling lights/fans for the rooms below, adding a whole house fan to cool the living areas, adding an attic fan to cool the attic, replacing gable vents, and adding screening to those gable vents to keep pests out.

Eliminate High Dive Event, Add “Towering Ladder”

Sure it’s a little exciting to watch someone standing on the edge of a platform scarily high up. But instead of having it end with a small-as-possible splash, wouldn’t it be more exciting as an Olympic event to watch Team Fix St Louis, as long as we’re up there, do things you can’t or shouldn’t do because of the risk of falling, like clean your gutters, fix or wrap with aluminum your behind-the-gutter or angled gable-side fascia boards, or re-secure a high-up detaching siding panel?

Eliminate Weightlifting, Add “Concrete Haul”

Working with concrete on household repairs can be an extremely difficult and humiliating experience, providing homeowners with an unwelcome reminder of how strong they used to be, or at least how strong they THOUGHT they were back then. In an Olympic event that combines strength and speed, you could be awed as Team St Louis handymen carry as quickly as possible TWO 60 lb sacks of concrete at a time, one under each arm, from their trucks to the job site.

Like I said, by making the Olympic sports more relatable to our everyday lives, maybe the audiences will return. But to tell you the truth, none of us here at Fix St Louis really aspire to be worshipped Olympic celebrities. We just feel honored to perform home repair tasks for you that you justifiably might think would be crazy for you to try yourself.

So, let the games begin! Call Fix St Louis.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis

Even a Sitting US Senator Deserves a Bathroom Bill of Rights

There has always been this one sad fact about the American founding that has bothered your humble correspondent. As regular readers know, it has been my fate and calling to spend most of my life in other people’s bathrooms, creating comfortable private sanctuaries from the cold world outside. So for me it is tragic that our founding fathers wrapped-up production of the Bill of Rights, while leaving on the cutting room floor the inalienable right of citizens to use the THRONE ALONE.

Well, last week the bill on our hastily wrapped-up Bill of Rights finally came due. Mob rule kicked in, as a US senator was chased into the Ladies Room because of a debate that began in another, more august chamber. The gentlelady from Arizona sought refuge in a stall, where she cowered behind a partial, inadequate door, as the other side of the door was live-streamed globally.

She was then verbally assaulted through the door by both a female AND a male — who until the day before yesterday you would think had NO BUSINESS being in a ladies room at all — as she presumably went about HER business. Yes, a SITTING Senator unable to STAND-UP for her constitutional rights —a fate not even a US Senator deserves under any circumstance, whether dodging angry citizens or fleeing from a State-mandated COVID booster shot.

Fortunately given that, after all, we are talking about geniuses here, the founding fathers DID leave us with a remedy to correct their oversights, and it’s through the AMENDMENT process. And while I’m no exception to the rule that you don’t find constitutional scholars among those who spend their days in other people’s bathrooms, I would like to humbly suggest that it will take THREE constitutional amendments to protect Americans when they are in the most vulnerable position they could ever possibly be in.

The Right to a Secure Bathroom Door

Does this sound familiar? When you try to shut a door in your house all the way, it never rewards you by replying with an unambiguous “click.” So, it would only take a little push for the door to fly open again, exposing whoever is behind the door to a bit of unwanted publicity. Robert Frost once said “Good fences make good neighbors.” And in response we proclaim “Good bathroom door locks make unembarrassed Thanksgiving house guests.” OK, so Robert Frost’s more artful words earned him a gig as a Poet Laureate. Big deal. We are after something far more valuable — a call to Fix St Louis from a homeowner like you to secure your bathroom door.

The Right to Be Comfortably Seated

Have you ever been in a home, perhaps your own, in which a toilet seems just a bit too low? Not SO short that it looks like it’s meant for a child, but just short enough for you to wonder why you can’t seem to get into the driver’s seat without going down with a “thud” in the last couple of inches, or why you suddenly feel like you’ll need a grab bar to get up. It’s not you, it’s the toilet. That’s the way toilets used to be made before “comfort” was invented. Kinda like the way those old-timey photos were taken of people and excessively large groups before the “smile” was invented.

Just think what a difference these comfort-height toilets have made. It’s even possible that if these new, taller toilets had never been invented, we might be calling them SQUATTING senators instead of SITTING senators. In any event, call Fix St Louis today and we’ll lift your spirits and everything else with a right-height toilet.

The Right to a Fair Flush

Being just a simple handyman, I live in a world where seeing is believing, and it’s kinda obvious I do not have the analytical skills required to be a member of Congress.

For instance, for many years now Congress has been warning that we’re going to run out of water because we’re using way too much of it. And that if we didn’t cut back on our water usage, then someday… I dunno, I forget … but I think it had something to do with a shovel, a hole in your backyard, and an Eagle Scout project.

You’d almost think that when Congress goes on OVERSEAS junkets and look out their plane windows, all they can see down below is a water-trickling drainage ditch, like the one we affectionately call the “River Des Peres,” instead of hours and hours of enough water to flush the toilets of every species known to man 5 times a day for eternity.

So years ago, Congress launched a jihad against what seemed to be a perfectly acceptable All-American toilet that had a 6-7 gallon tank — a classic beauty that unleashed a gusher large enough to take EVERYTHING down with it, including the occasional ashtray the kids threw in (remember those?). And to this very day, Congress seems determined to flush-through their toilet agenda until “flushing” is redefined to mean spitting into the bowl right before you hit the flush lever.

Fortunately, the toilet manufacturers have responded with good old American engineering ingenuity, so the ability of today’s toilets to flush, while still not good, is better than the original emasculated toilets of a few years ago. So if you have a flushing problem and haven’t had your toilet replaced for 15-20 years you might want to call Fix St Louis to do that. But in the meantime, until crowds with torches show-up at the homes of of elected officials, and catch them while they are sitting on their toilets (note to FBI: just kidding), none of YOUR toilets should be without a plunger nearby, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE THANKSGIVING GUESTS.

Hey, it seems like Thanksgiving guests came up a couple of times here. I’m guessing it’s unlikely that all 3 of the above constitutional amendments will be ratified before Thanksgiving. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enact all of them within your own house for your Thanksgiving guests. And there’s still time to get these repairs done before they arrive!

Call Fix St Louis today and we can make sure those bathroom doors lock, your guests are “seated” at the right height, and make sure they can casually leave the bathroom when done without running away hoping no one figures out that THEY were to blame for the toilet going off-line.

After all, you don’t want to make your Thanksgiving guests so embarrassed or mad that they’ll chase YOU into a bathroom. If you don’t think it can happen to you, check with your nearest sitting Senator. Or watch it on YouTube.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis