The Non-Russians meddling in your home repairs
Sometimes life just isn’t fair. Doesn’t it seem like if a house was built properly, and you don’t do anything crazy to abuse it, you should NEVER have to fix ANYTHING? Or worst case, if you DID have to fix something, it would STAY fixed forever and ever?
So what’s going on here? Are the Russians meddling? Can we blame that bruised and battered Mr Mayhem on those insurance commercials? Are manufacturers implanting timing devices so that everything they make eventually blows-up so you have to buy it again? (I swear, I am TOTALLY CONVINCED that IKEA does that!!!).
In search of answers, we assigned the Forensics Department of Fix St Louis to investigate why things in your home keep breaking. And possibly, to find solutions so that you could hire us once for one very thorough home repair job, then never have to hire us again.
What we learned is no less than SHOCKING! You are actually living with a number of “FRENEMIES” who are nice to you most of the time, but every once in a while turn on you and break things! Here are some of the prime culprits.
Sorry, I know you love Fido, and I’m sure he loves you, he means well, and blah blah blah. But he’s not just MAN’S best friend, but also HANDYMAN’S best friend. I once suspected that dogs, for whatever reason, liked handymen so much that they created work for them – after all, the doggie greeting we receive is as close that we handymen will EVER get to knowing what it’s like to be a rock star. But since then, I’ve decided it’s not HANDYMEN they love, but the front door we walk through, based upon the chewed weatherstripping and claw scratches on door slabs & surrounding casing trim. How do you keep your dog from doing that? I don’t have a clue, although it does seem that dogs, like most people, eventually stop doing stupid things when they realize they don’t work. When your dogs have reached that level of maturity, give us a call and we can fix that door damage forever.
They say that ‘the perfect is the enemy of the good’ and, at least this one time, “they” is right. So, you weed whipping cowboys out there, who feel an adrenaline rush whenever you have that powerful device in your hands, slow down and be careful when you’re up against vinyl siding, painted surfaces, or anything else that a whipping string can damage. Even if your spouse doesn’t agree, you do have OUR permission if you don’t eliminate every last offensively-tall blade of grass. But for those times you get carried away, we can replace cracked siding panels, and patch & paint pretty much any surface that’s gotten a whooping.
What could possibly be wrong with WATER? We bathe in it, it’s a zero calorie beverage and, geez, doesn’t it constitute most of our bodies? Hate to break this to you, but water has a dark side. It’s not only destructive when it gets into places it shouldn’t, but it’s also smart and sneaky, finding and penetrating even the SMALLEST openings that are around. While unlike fire, you can’t fight water with water, Fix St Louis can fight it with caulking, grout, flashing, and fittings. We can even substitute non-rotting substitutes for wood in outdoor house trim.
Just who are these insects and animals who have the misimpression that your casa is their casa? Yes, we can repair just about any damage woodpeckers, squirrels, raccoons, termites, carpenter bees, etc. etc. may create. But just as importantly, we work in conjunction with pest experts to make sure that these meddlers will never return, either because they can’t or because they have, ahem, met their maker.
That’s it for now. So, maybe we left out a few big meddlers like, I dunno, the Sun, wind, gravity, fire, locusts, smiting of the first born. While I guess some things are bigger than us to prevent, so far nothing has been too big for us to fix. Give us a chance, and Fix St Louis will fix just about anything any animal, vegetable, mineral, or spiritual-being throws at us.
Fix St Louis