Door Wars: The Triathlon EVERYONE Can Participate In

doorIf you spent Super Sunday sitting on a couch for hours, consuming large quantities of salted snacks, dip, and adult beverages, while watching Super Athletes compete, you may be feeling an urge to get up and get some exercise. But, it’s cold outside. And, let’s face it, you’re not exactly an IronMan or IronLady type who likes to wear yourself out by jogging, swimming, or biking.

That’s why Fix St Louis is proud to introduce the Door Triathlon, an indoor event in which even the most couch-potatoed homeowner can be a winner.

There are 3 stages of competition:

  1. Tug-of-Door: Go around to every door in your house. Make a note of every door that’s hard to open or close. Maybe it’s because the door edges are rubbing against the door frame, or the bottom of the door is rubbing against the carpet.
  1. Grand Slam: Next, a second round of going door-to-door. This time, make a note of all the doors that won’t close that last inch or two without a full body slam. And, that includes doors that close pretty easily, but just don’t make that final reassuring click to tell you the door is fully closed and won’t open without a turn of the knob.
  2. Punch Wall: One more round, but this time, don’t look at the doors, but at the walls the doors swing into. See any suspicious punched-in areas with contours that resemble the closest doorknob?

That’s a winner!  You may resume your seated position on the couch, preferably one with a phone within arm’s length. To claim your medal, call Fix St Louis. We can fix every door problem you found, so you can nail your next Door Triathlon.

How to Participate in the Missouri Caulk-Us

Many Missourians are frustrated this election season. Given that our March 15th Presidential caucus is still weeks away, we simply won’t have as much impact on the outcome as our Iowa neighbors to the
north.caulk

We at Fix St Louis feel your pain and have decided to do something about it. We have a plan that, in the meantime, will give you something meaningful to do, something more interesting to stare at than TV debates, and something that will have an even greater impact on your life than the next President of the United States.

Gawk at your caulk

We proudly introduce the Missouri Caulk-Us. Here’s how it works: First, stop watching those candidates on TV, get up from your chair, and walk to your bathtub. Now, look at the bathtub ledge. You see that once-white, once-solid hardened goop running along the perimeter? Pretty disgusting, huh? Worse yet, maybe some do-it-yourselfer in your household tried to cover it up with even more goop but didn’t have a good sense of how much to put on, or where it should go.

Also, while you’re there, do you see tiles where the grout is missing, letting water into the wall, possibly rotting it and loosening the tiles?

Now walk to your kitchen countertop and look at the similar white goop between the wall and either your backsplash or countertop. Is it discolored? Maybe brown, gray or black? Is it separating from the wall or countertop? Mind the gap (a little London Tube lingo there).

Yes, you SHOULD be angry to be living in a house where even hardened white goop mocks your cleaning habits. You’re not going to take it anymore. And, among all their fake promises, can you believe that not a single candidate from either party is offering a federal program to replace your caulk for free? Some don’t even think you have a right to own a CAULK gun!

St. Louis Caulk Service

Gawk at your caulk, then give Fix St. Louis a call. Let’s make America grout again.

For a Better First Impression, Think Outside the Mailbox

unnamedIt’s one of life’s great mysteries. Why do so many people living in upscale subdivisions have mailboxes fit for an Old West ghost town? Posts are slanted like old tombstones, mailboxes are rusted, and the posts look like something you’d hitch a horse to.

They spend so much time and money on flower beds, siding, and exterior painting, and yet the very 1st thing that 1st time visitors see, when finding the house for the 1st time, is a mailbox that makes a bad 1st impression.

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