Some days I get the feeling that while everyone else yakety-yacks for years about building or tearing down walls, we at Fix St Louis are the only ones who ever actually do something about them.
Geez, talk about not being able to compete with the Chinese. They built a really GREAT wall more than 2,000 years ago in the time it takes Americans to file an environmental impact statement.
We at Fix St Louis specialize in small jobs, so maybe building the Great Wall of China for you is out. But, here’s some other things you might want us to do:
At least until realtors tell us that having any walls AT ALL is now “out,” Fix St Louis will be here to build and repair them – and even then we’ll be here to tear them down. Walls just seem easy to us, like no big deal. What’s everyone else’s problem?
Fix St Louis
It’s common to ask friends for referrals on any number of services – babysitters, dentists, people who mow lawns when you’re away. But do you ever wonder if these friends really KNOW if the handymen they refer are any good? Can you give your friends’ opinions on handymen the same weight as, for instance, the indispensable guidance we regularly receive from famous, Golden-Globe-winning Hollywood actresses?
Hey, I’m sure your friends are great friends and great people, and all that, and far be it from me to get between you and your friends. So let me break this to you as gently as I can. At least when it comes to the issue of referring a handyman, chances are your friends do not know ‘diddly-squat.’ How do I know this? Because here’s what they would actually HAVE to know, to actually KNOW diddly-squat.
1. Can that handyman be trusted in your home? – You are about to let a stranger roam your house, giving him access to all your prized possessions, including your family members. Did your friend run a criminal background check? That’s too bad because when we at Fix St Louis do, we learn that about 1/4 of all handymen who apply to us for jobs are convicted felons.
2. Does that handyman REALLY have insurance? – If I showed you the bill that Fix St Louis pays each year for insurance, you would probably suspect “no.” And if you think this insurance is only to protect you against implausible events, like the handyman stubbing his toe, then retaining OJ Simpson’s legal team to sue you for millions, think again. One of our handymen once fell off a ladder bringing down a $30 open can of paint with him. And while the only resulting damage to my technician or the homeowner’s property was a small number of nearly invisible, microscopic flecks of paint deeply embedded in the grain of the hardwood floor, our insurance company paid out thousands to refinish all of the contiguous flooring throughout the main floor. Now, tell me the truth — under those circumstances, would your friend’s handyman similarly be able to make you whole?
3. How long will you have to wait? – If that handyman consists of one guy and a pick-up truck, and is available immediately, chances are he doesn’t have much of a practice. The best ones are tied-up for weeks or months at a time because they WANT to be. Big, long-lasting jobs sure beat scrambling around for small jobs. On the other hand, we at Fix St Louis SPECIALIZE in and are organized around small jobs, so we can typically fit you in within a week or two.
4. Other than your friend, are most of that handyman’s customers satisfied? – Your friend may have had 1-2 successful experiences with that handyman. But, there isn’t a handyman out there who screws-up or goes AWOL every single time. Yet, there are PLENTY (if not most) who create unhappy customers on every 3rd, 4th, or 5th job. So, maybe your friend confirmed that the handyman can hang a shelf, but what else does that handyman know how to do among the dozens of possible handyman projects (e.g. plumbing, electrical, drywall, carpentry)?
With Fix St Louis, you don’t have to wonder whether we make customers happy because you can look it up on the web: A+ rating from the Better Business Bureau, top 5% on Angie’s list, 4.5 out of 5 rating on Home Advisor (also, be sure to read the comments).
I’m deeply sorry you may now have to add your friends to the growing list of folks these days we’re told we cannot fully trust. That’s OK, maybe your friends can just stick to what they’re best at, like being friendly to you. But at least in regard to handyman services, you now know that we at Fix St Louis aren’t faking it — we’re the real thing.
Fix St Louis
Last night, they played that song again that – truth be told – NOBODY knows the lyrics to, particularly after one too many ‘cups of kindness,’ if you know what I mean. Best I can tell, the first line is in the form of a question. Should we forget our old friendships? The implied answer is ‘no.’
OK, so you might not expect your handyman to be a scholar of late 18th century Scottish drinking songs set to poetry. But, we at Fix St Louis DO pride ourselves on being experts on things people would rather FORGET. All the broken, yucky, cracked, deteriorated, stuck, leaking, stuffed, and falling things around their house that we at Fix St Louis fix.
So to kick-off this new year, here are some ideas to transition your house to things that once fixed, stay fixed so you can more-or-less forget about future maintenance or repairs:
1. Decks – Whose crazy idea was it anyway to attach something that looks like Huck Finn’s raft to the side of our houses? A structure made of wood that needs to be stained every couple of years? Let’s stop the madness. Next time you have your deck repaired, ask us to stain it with Sherwin Williams solid color elastomeric coating, which lasts as long as house paint. Or replace the boards with composite materials that, these days, now look even better than wood and last ‘forever.’
2. Exterior Trim – If you look closely at the bottom of the side trim on the outside of your doors, or around your outdoor window ledges, you are likely to see rotted wood. That’s because water tends to pool-up in those places, then is wicked into the wood. The answer is to buck what passes as wisdom today and “go UN-natural.” We can patch those areas with the same plastic-type material used for auto body repairs, and in many cases replace the rotted boards with solid plastic-based materials. Sure, the rest of your house may someday fade away, but at least those parts will outlast the Cahokia Mounds!
3. Toilets – Don’t get me started. Oh, was I the one who brought this up? We are a 1st world country with 3rd world toilets only because our betters in Washington seem to think that anything that isn’t regulated doesn’t belong in the utopia they’re kindly creating for us. Water is the power supply for toilets, and our government keeps limiting it – THAT’s why toilets now fail so often. So now there’s a toilet plunger next to every toilet, when in the past there never was, and Fix St Louis customers need to have us on speed dial. And, it’s not just toilets, it’s all your water-based devices and appliances as you can read here. We’ll keep fixing your toilets, but maybe people need to start driving around with bumper stickers that read “I flush and I vote.”
4. Flooring – The good news about solid hardwood flooring is that it can always be sanded and re-stained. The bad news is that it needs to be. We strongly discourage people from installing hardwood in bathrooms because sooner or later a leak will damage it, and somewhat less strongly discourage it for kitchens for similar reasons. We’re also not thrilled with any laminate or engineered wood flooring for kitchens and baths that contains fibers inside that might absorb water and puff-out like a sponge. The most practical, best looking surfaces for these rooms these days are ceramic or porcelain tiles. Vinyl tiles and sheet vinyl have traditionally been considered to be cheap-looking, but we’ve been kinda impressed lately with what’s now being offered under the rubric “luxury vinyl tile.” I know, I know, it sounds like a joke. Like calling something a “luxury sow’s ear.” But they’re doing impressive things these days with graphics and texture, and if you keep an open mind, it might be just right for you, and very economical.
Well, I suppose if you were looking for life-changing advice to start-off the new year that would make you a better, kinder, more effective, problem-free, pain-free, or better-looking person you now realize you came to the wrong place. So, maybe Fix St Louis can’t help you make the world a better place, but making your home a place where you can every once in a while forget about maintenance is at least a start. Right? Of course, right.
Happy New Year!
Fix St Louis
This is the time of year when Time Magazine names its “Person of the Year.” And, it always comes as a big surprise. “Time Magazine?!,” I ask. “Are they still in business?”
So, as our fortunes continue to rise, while those of Time Magazine continue to fall, we at Fix St Louis felt an obligation to step in, to make sure that this great tradition of honoring a great person every year survives. And maybe even improve upon it, given that Time’s past recipients include Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Planet Earth.
Given that our name is Fix St Louis, we were looking for the person who did the most in 2016 to Fix St Louis. Determined to identify a remarkable local individual, we reached far and wide into the community. OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but we DID reach out far enough to pick-up our ringing phone to answer a call from KMOV-TV channel 4.
KMOV asked us if we wanted to participate as a donor in one of their ‘Surprise Squad’ stories. It’s a series in which they film a feature story on a St Louisan performing exceptionally good works, then surprise them mid-story with a cash gift from their station and a gift of significant value from a local company. In this case, their target recipient was a young woman named Maria Larsen from Charlack in St Louis County, who had taken in a large number of foster children, and as a result was having some trouble keeping up with her home repairs.
Expressing an interest, I asked KMOV exactly how many foster children she had taken in. “Oh, about 300 foster children,” they said, then said again after I told them we must have a bad connection because it sounded like they said 300 foster children. At this point, I thought maybe I should have gone with my instincts, not picking-up the phone, assuming that “KMOV-TV” on the caller ID meant just another sales call for TV advertising. I thought to myself, “how can my company afford significant home repairs on a house with one master bedroom plus 299 other bedrooms?!” Then, they explained to me that some of those foster children were taken-in for as little as one evening when there was a family emergency. Her house was normal-sized, not August Busch IV-sized.
So, as they say, the rest is history. Please view the link below, and watch KMOV do a much better job than I can describing the accomplishments of Fix St Louis‘ newly crowned 2016 Person of the Year. Watch Ms. Larsen get a very small part of the recognition that she truly deserves, and watch me get my fully undeserved, once-in-a-lifetime 15 seconds of fame.
Merry Christmas and Many Happy Repairs from Fix St Louis!
Fix St Louis
12 windows slamming
11 outlets sparking
10 pop-up drain plugs popping
9 faucets dripping
8 doors a sticking
7 smoke detectors beeping
6 mirrors hanging
5 wax toi–let ringssssss
4 falling shelves
3 French doors
2 chandeliers above
and a door track on a pan–try
Wow! That FiXmas classic never fails to bring to a tear to this handyman’s eyes. Well, we’re now well into FiXmas, the pre-Christmas home repair season, so:
Take out that to-do list, checking it twice.
Get those repairs done now, take our advice.
Christmas guests are coming to town.
Merry Christmas and Many Happy Repairs from Fix St Louis!
Fix St Louis
Could that really be THANKSGIVING coming up this Thursday?! Yikes!! Well, if you didn’t quite get around to fixing those things around the house, it’s not the end of the world. Your guests will only be around for a few hours, and may not even notice if you dim the lights, keep the TV turned on, and strategically place an attractive orange traffic cone to block your bedroom hallway.
But, it actually IS the END of the world if those things aren’t fixed in time for your overnight Christmas guests. Fortunately, it is now the BEGINNING of the FiXmas season. That’s the self-explanatory time of year to fix those little flaws in your house that, for some inexplicable reason, were perfectly acceptable for your family to live with, but unacceptable for those who are not nearly as close to you.
Where to begin? We at Fix St Louis suggest you start with the potentially yuckiest parts of your home, and there’s no substance that makes things yuckier than water. Look all around toilets, showers, tubs, and sinks for yuck, and see if they need to be re-caulked or if loose tiles need to be repaired. Same thing for kitchen sinks and backsplashes.
The next step is looking for 2nd Hand Yuck. Look at the ceilings that are directly below bathrooms. If there are stains there, get those leaks fixed, get that section of drywall section replaced if necessary, then sealed and painted so that it is invisible. Do you really want your guests to engage in a conversation of what yucky event caused that stain?
OK, that’s enough for now. After all, it’s only the First Day of FiXmas – let’s not get ahead of ourselves. But you might want to call us today to avoid the FiXmas rush!
Happy Holidays and Many Happy Repairs from Fix St Louis!
Fix St Louis