Once upon a time, after Americans pressed the lever on a toilet, they immediately walked away. They didn’t stare inside the bowl to make sure everything went down. They didn’t listen in from the next room for a minute or two until the water stopped running. They didn’t buy a plunger for every toilet, then display this lovely item near their designer faucet and oil-rubbed bronze accessories.
But then, the Russians hacked our toilets. Or maybe a snake told Eve to take a bite out of an apple. But whatever it was, there’s gotta be a better explanation than Congress suddenly deciding our ‘business’ was their business, and decreeing that toilet tank capacities must be reduced by more than 75% to a puny 1.6 gallons today. Because you know, our world, whose surface has always been 70% water, is running out of water. Or something.
Now, not to brag or make anyone jealous, but we at Fix St Louis are the Zen Masters of toilet repair. We spend a lot of time with our heads in toilets, and can always get them working again.
Yes, we realize that given the amount of revenues we generate from fixing toilets, some of you might suspect Big Handyman lobbied Congress to make things this way. But no, we’re actually concerned it may be a national security risk for Americans to spend so much time with their pants down thinking about toilets, and believe these should be the FIRST regulations to be rolled back.
Don’t worry about us. If the government liberated our toilets so they worked again, we at Fix St Louis could keep ourselves plenty busy with your needs for other repairs on plumbing, electrical, drywall, carpentry, decks, fences, windows, doors, floors, and pretty much everything else.
But until then, welcome to McToilet – may we take your order?
If America can send a man to the moon, why can’t we make a reliable toilet? You know what I’m talking about—every once in awhile you have to jiggle the handle to make it stop running. Sometimes it doesn’t stop running at all, or it runs for a few minutes, then stops running, then runs again, then stops – all night long.
The good news is that until mankind conquers this final frontier, there will always be Fix St Louis. We spend a lot of our time with our heads in toilets, and know more about them and how to fix them than you would ever want to know.
– Within the tank, we know our filler valves from our flush valves, and our floats from our flappers.
– We can deal with that drip-drip-drip from the bottom of your tank, or from that strange faucet handle sticking out of your wall.
– We can deal with that ominous fluid crawling out from the base of your toilet, and those cracked or rusted Frankenstein-head-like bolts down there.
– We can stop your toilet from acting like a rocking chair.
– We can even help save your marriage by installing one of those new, no-slam toilet seats!
At Fix St Louis, YOUR business is OUR business. Fill out our form or call us for a free estimate on a repair, and fall in love with your toilet all over again!
Sorry, but I have always had this fantasy of hiring a technician named Gorbachev, so I could hear our customers use that line. But, I can’t seem to lure the real one out of retirement and into a Fix St Louis shirt. Go figure.
Anyway, today we’ll be discussing those yucky walls around your shower or tub. If that sentence made no sense to you, you’re free to go. But for the 99% of you remaining, you know what I mean.
Those walls with those sickly, shiny avocado green squares that are supposed to have dry white stuff between them, but the white stuff is missing in places, or the white stuff is actually now black. Maybe a tile or two are sticking-out, missing, or a bulge of wet drywall behind it is shoving tiles out of place.