We’re Your Ally in the Government’s War on Toilets
It’s been sad to watch the decline of American civilization during my lifetime. I’m referring, of course, to the diminishing quality of the American toilet. And it’s all the government’s fault.
You see, back in 1979 reacting to limited fresh water supplies on the West Coast (only), our all-wise federal government surveyed the planet for solutions. Overlooking the, oh, 97% or so of the world’s water now sitting in our oceans ripe for desalinization, they broke into our bathrooms, pointed one finger at us and another at our toilet tanks and scolded, “Aha! You greedy Americans, how can you be using up to 7 gallons of water in your toilets while 3rd world countries are still digging holes in the ground?”
Since then, the feds have forced toilet manufacturers to reduce their tank capacities by more than 3/4 to a piddly 1.6 gallons today. And since water is to a toilet what electricity is to a light bulb, you can understand why we get so many calls from you guys to fix your toilets – toilets whose effectiveness have never been better than marginal at best. And why divas from Barbra Streisand to Beyoncé now specify 7 gallon tanks in their dressing room contracts (just kidding, I think).
Well, WE at Fix St Louis, at least, are NOT in the tank for the federal government. So, bring us your running toilets, your limp handles, your washed out washers, your leaky fittings, your flappy flappers, and your half-full or half-empty tanks (depending on your disposition).
We’ll be right there with you until we have defeated the DC toilet tyrants. Until you can fire-off a flush heard ’round the world, and unleash a 7 gallon gusher worthy of a free people!
Fix St Louis